Sunday 3 August 2008

Show us Yer Tits!

This blog post appeared in the Scotsman. (and also the San Francisco Chronicle)

4 shows done, 20 to go!

Yesterday was a good day. I had a good show, with a warm and generous audience. I love the weekend audiences! And I spent the afternoon flyering and waiting for the bus (mostly waiting for the bus but that's another story).

I was in full swing in the courtyard, handing out my flyers, telling my story, engaging with people and hopefully making them curious and happy enough to want to come and see my show. I'm honing my flyering antennae and getting a pretty good instinct for who might be receptive and who simply won't want to hear about my show or anything else.

So I approached these three rather formidable looking ladies. Short hair (like me), quite a few piercings. They looked tough but they had a twinkle in their eye. So I did my spiel and handed them my flyer.

Now, on the back of my flyer, there's a quote from one of the characters in the show : "Can I show you my breasts? They're quite spectacular." It's at a point in the show where I don't even reveal them - although there's plenty of that throughout what with the banana dance and five costume changes on stage.

All of sudden, the toughest of the three - all spikey blond hair and sharp features says: "Show us your tits then..." I know a challenge when I hear one. And I'd just been telling them about how I'd worked as a peep show dancer in San Francisco... So without a moment's hesitation, and with a smile, I lifted my top, lifted my bra and showed them what nature had given me in the boobies department. They approved! They laughed and gave me the thumbs up and said "your spiel wins tits down... well, tits up really, in your case!! We'll definitely come and check it out!"

Then out of the corner of my eye, as I was thanking them and reorganising my clothes, I saw this poor little thing, who was waiting to tell them about her show... and you could just tell she didn't think she'd be able to match what had just come before. Even though she was very well endowed and would have beaten me hands down in the size department!

The thing is, mine are pert and round and perfectly formed, and I don't mind taking them out in public for the right kind of audience. Don't believe me? Come check 'em out for yourself. There's Something in the Fridge that Wants to Kill Me! We're on everyday at NOON at the Underbelly (Venue 61) at 56 Cowgate under George IV Bridge.

Tits up everybody! Have a great Festival.

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